Wednesday, December 28, 2011

That awkward moment when...

That awkward moment when...

...you are seated on a plane next to the most beautiful man you have ever seen, you aren't wearing makeup and your outfit makes no sense. (Yes this actually just happened to me)

...you invite your friend to dinner with your family and they bring their guido boyfriend who smokes (ditto)

...lady gaga shows up wearing jeans and a plain white t shirt

...you are describing an amazing steak dinner you had to friends and the new girl replies with "I'm a vegetarian"

...someone calls you "sir" instead of "miss"

...you try to sneak a photo of someone but the flash goes off

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

So many things...

A lot has gone on in the past week. I was so scared to go to Florida for Christmas this year. Without going into detail, my family is a bit complicated and can be uncomfortable at times. Awkward is a good word. My sister and I feel very out of place frequently. I am also realizing that I am pretty different from them in terms of my lifestyle. I know the fact that I am now happy staying in Arizona bothers them a bit because its so far away. But I truly feel like the real me that I've been waiting to discover.

My friendships have strengthened and grown. One person recently has become a great and surprising friend to have around. I use to feel very awkward around this person but now that I know myself it is so much more comfortable. Their wisdom is a great blessing. Hopefully I will have some positive effect on their life as well.

I am healing. Really truly healing. My weird friendship with the ex actually helped me heal because I saw issues more clearly. I care about this person but I cannot trust them. They do not know their own self and I have uncovered more lies. I just don't see a way of going back to where we once were.

And now the time away has healed me. I am not bitter about cancelling a wedding. Because the next wedding will truly be about "we" and I can't wait for that to come around.


Friday, December 23, 2011

{when lonely strikes}

its that moment when you having a great night out with your friends...
and the time comes to leave
as you all part...
your extremely happy, smiling face suddenly notices the dark around you
the loneliness sets in
as you realize you're going home to an empty home...
two tears fall from your eyes.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Rosemary Chicken White Bean Soup

Another soup adventure its true...
I couldn't find a recipe for rosemary chicken soup with white beans... so I made one up and oh my it is GOOD!
This is gluten free and can be dairy free with one easy adjustment.




1 rotisserie chicken, meat removed and drippings put aside.
2 c organic free range low sodium chicken stock
1/2 c white wine
3 sprigs of rosemary
1 bay leaf
1 T butter (2 T olive oil can be substituted if your dairy free)
1 celery stalk chopped
1 onion chopped
salt and pepper to taste
1 T brown rice flour (or regular flour if you're ok with gluten)
2 cans of white beans


In large pot combine drippings from bottom of rotisserie chicken container, chicken stock, wine, 2 rosemary sprigs, bay leaf, one of the cans of beans (do not drain) and a bit of black pepper. Bring to a soft boil.


In a large skillet cook the celery and onions in the butter (or oil) until soft about 10 min. Add a little salt (the rotisserie chick will add a lot fo salty flavor) and some pepper. Then stir in brown rice flour and cook off for a minute.


Remove rosemary sprigs and bay leaf from large bot. If a few leaves fall off the rosemary thats's good! Add veggies to stock and simmer another 10 min.

Remove from heat and cool off about 10 min

Chop up chicken into pieces and drain the other can of white beans.


*Lolo's tip: keep the skeleton and any extra chicken pieces to make your own broth!*

Carefully pour the stock and veggies into a blender or food processor and puree thoroughly. Return to pot. Add chicken and white beans to large pot.


Add 1 sprig of rosemary. Bring to a simmer but stir carefully to not knock leaves off rosemary. Add any more pepper to taste. Remove sprig and serve!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

10 things (round deux)

one:
If I hear the "Party Rock" song one more time, I'm breaking my radio... moving on...

two:
I only like rap music when I'm working out. When I run I listen to Daft Punk. Otherwise it's country, female crooners (a la Adele and Christina Perri), Coldplay and Bon Iver. I am obsessed with my Pandora app on my iPad.

three:
Zoolights for a first date is magical.


four:
There is a point where your fourquare obsession becomes obnoxious. No one actually cares if you're the mayor of a place or a few places, especially when you're battling your friend for it. Oh and if you're checking to to places you're not at or aren't actually open yet (yes people are checking into the temple that's being built and the Postinos on Gilbert Road) COME ON!
Stop living your life on your cell phone!

five:
I am so lucky that I got to go to the Go Daddy Holiday Party again this year , even though I'm no longer an employee (love you brother Pat Pat). Even MORE lucky because Dierks Bentley and Trace Adkins (and apparently Kid Rock after I left) performed. I was 10 feet from Dierks and it was AWESOME! Plus the Holiday Party is the BEST people watching ever. 3000 nerds in one place? Love it and my nerd friends.

six:
I am so grateful that Joe brought me to Liberty Market. It has been a true blessing the last few months. To be going through hurt, growth and awakening and having the amazing support at work everyday that I have, I am so blessed. I cannot list everything that you all have done for me but I have to touch on one because she just blew me away. Dear, sweet Anna Davis. I have a really rough day a few weeks ago and broke down. Anna took me aside and prayed with me. She inspires me.


DKJC- thank you.


I'm not going all the way to ten. This is plenty.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Everything is better with bacon (recipe alert!)

I greatly apologize for being behind this week but I've been getting out of the house a lot this week, plus the marathon training has me taking quite a few naps these days.

So in my quest to keep the body strong and healthy, I have been broadening my horizons, making more foods at home and playing with superfoods! Oh yes...

Lauren meet kale...

One cup of kale contains 36 calories, 5 grams of fiber, and 15% of the daily requirement of calcium and vitamin B6 (pyridoxine), 40% of magnesium, 180% of vitamin A, 200% of vitamin C, and 1,020% of vitamin K. It is also a good source of minerals copper, potassium, iron, manganese, and phosphorus.
Beyond antioxidants, the fiber content of cruciferous kale binds bile acids and helps lower blood cholesterol levels and reduce the risk of heart disease, especially when kale is cooked instead of raw.
Kale's risk-lowering benefits for cancer have recently been extended to at least five different types of cancer. These types include cancer of the bladder, breast, colon, ovary, and prostate. Isothiocyanates (ITCs) made from glucosinolates in kale play a primary role in achieving these risk-lowering benefits. Super awesome for a girl with a history of breast cancer in her family (miss you mommy).

Ok enough with the health perks... on to the recipe!

I went searching for a good recipe to start out with for a new kale eater. After reading about its relation to brussel sprouts.. I was a bit scared.

Found an awesome and healthy one online, however it was vegetarian. Now I'm not knocking my veggie buddies (Miss Chanelle) but let's be honest, everything is better with bacon.

Quinoa With Mushrooms, Kale, and Sweet Potatoes


1 cup quinoa (I forgot this so I just used brown rice which works well)
3 strips of thick cut bacon
2 small sweet potatoes (about 1 pound), peeled and cut into 3/4-inch pieces
12 ounces button mushrooms, quartered (i used baby bella for extra flavor, don't forget to clean them!)
2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
1 bunch kale, stems discarded and leaves torn into 2-inch pieces

3/4 cup dry white wine
kosher salt and black pepper
1/4 cup grated Parmesan (1 ounce) for topping


(to do this vegetarian just switch out bacon for 2 T of olive oil)

Place the quinoa and 2 cups water in a small saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, covered, until water is absorbed, 12 to 15 minutes. You can also cook in a rice cooker.


While the quinoa is cooking, cook the bacon until just crispy in a skillet.

Put the bacon aside on a paper towel covered plate. Pour the leftover grease from the pan into a large pot. Heat over medium heat then add the sweet potatoes and mushrooms.



Cook, tossing occasionally, until golden and beginning to soften, 5 to 6 minutes.
Stir in the garlic and cook for 1 minute.


Add the kale, wine, ¾ teaspoon salt, and ¼ teaspoon pepper. Crumble the bacon and add to the pot as well.If it seems like a TON of kale in the pot... it is... but it will cook down.

Cook, tossing often, until the vegetables are tender, 10 to 12 minutes.

Serve the vegetables over the quinoa and sprinkle with the Parmesan.



Saturday, December 3, 2011

Congress... You Have Failed Our Children

Sean Croxton is a FDN based out of San Diego. His site undergroundwellness.com is fantastic and full of information you just won't get anywhere else. You may have heard that recently Congress approved pizza to be regarded as a vegetable in the children's school lunch breakdown of servings, because it has 2 tablespoons of tomato paste. I have no words... I will let Sean speak for me in his impromptu video here...



Cleaning Out My Closet

no not the eminem song... (did I really just reference that?)

I can be very mean to my clothes. I have some really nice "investment pieces" mostly given to me by my dad that I take super good care of but the rest I can be hard on. I am known for making piles of clothes in my room and being really bad about folding and putting them away. I tend to wear everything in the clean clothes basket before I manage to put them away. Maybe this is a result of being in a "uniform" on a daily basis for oh I dunno... 95% of my life? (private school, personal trainer and now liberty market) However my stint at Go Daddy last year put some wear and tear on my clothes that they have never seen before. Most of my jeans are in really bad shape as well as many shirts. I also have a collection of t-shirts that I've had since high school (oh yeah I still fit in them :) )

After I moved a few months ago I didn't unpack everything and I still had 2 boxes (LARGE ones) full of clothes as well as 3 plastic bins full of winter clothes. I needed to change out my seasonal clothes and there was just stuff everywhere. I looked at a lot of things that I just don't wear anymore or were beat up or too big, etc. It was time to do some serious cleaning out. I don't actually NEED more clothes. Other people actually NEED clothes.

I started my donation pile... and it ended up like this...



It is so freeing to get rid of things you don't need that others can use.

Maybe we should all try this a little more. We shouldn't hold on to all the gifts God has given us, let's share them with those who haven't been quite as blessed.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Tomato Soup (updated)

I started coming down with a yucky head cold and decided to make my own soup remedy.. homemade tomato soup. I've been on a bit of a soup-making kick recently for two reasons: easy leftovers to take to work and quickly digested so I can pound out workouts without getting sick to my stomach. When I get sick, I try to avoid taking in much dairy, if any at all. I also don't like to have a lot of salt in my recipes so chicken soup was out. I searched for a solid tomato soup recipe akin to a yummy tomato basil pasta sauce and found this great one. I adjusted a few things too to liven it up a bit.

(note: i have updated this recipe because i forgot a few things!)

Sick Day Tomato Soup
(or any day for that matter)


2 cups fat-free, less-sodium chicken broth (I use pacific brand organic free range low sodium)
1 cup chopped onion
3/4 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup thinly sliced fresh basil
1 tablespoon organic tomato paste
2 pounds tomatoes, cut into wedges remove seeds of half the tomatoes
(i use a mix of plum tomatos and on the vine.)
1 garlic clove finely chopped
pinch of crushed red pepper flakes
salt to personal taste
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper (I eyeball this to my taste)
thinly sliced fresh basil for topping
(if you want creamy soup stir in 1/2 cup of sour cream at the end)

You will need a blender or food processor


Combine first 8 ingredients in a large pot; bring to a boil. Reduce heat, and simmer 30 minutes. Place half of tomato mixture in a blender. Remove center piece of blender lid (to allow steam to escape); secure blender lid on blender. Place a clean towel over opening in blender lid (to avoid splatters). Blend until smooth. Pour into a large bowl. Repeat procedure with remaining tomato mixture. Stir in salt and pepper. Top with fresh sliced basil. (shredded Parmesan is good too)

Monday, November 28, 2011

Scars

Everyone has scars. Some are physical, some are emotional. Physical scars don't really hurt once they heal, or even while they heal. They may just be a reminder of a good story, or a clumsy moment. No biggie. But emotional scars... they are a different breed. They are the scars on our hearts. The ones that hurt and throb while they heal. We never forget the cause of them. We never forget the punch on the gut and sharp pain in our chest as they tore a hole in our heart.

Even after that horrible lonely healing process is over, and the scar is left, things still happen and memories come to mind that press on the part of the scar that never healed right, and a tinge of pain kicks in. These scars change us forever. They affect all our future relationships, because no matter how much we face the past, fear of a repeat injury lingers.

I have this very deep wound in my heart, and I definitely have a few scars nearby it. That wound is healing at an excruciatingly slow pace, and yes I am at fault for some of that slowness. Apparently I'm a masichist and enjoy reopening the healing wound, over and over and over again. I kept trying to just stick a band aid on it. But the band aid is too small. And the only person who can stitch it closed, doesn't know how to.

I'm not playing with band aids anymore. They aren't working. I chose to close the door, well SLAM that door shut and put 5 locks on it. This saying finally hit me "Never make someone a priority, who only makes you their option." Admitting to myself that this was the true situation is horrible, demeaning, and lonely.

BUT I KNOW MY WORTH AND I AM TOP NOTCH!

So for now, I am healing like a burn victim. Slow and painful, and the scars will be a horrible reminder. But eventually I will be whole again. And my heart will be so full I won't notice the scar anymore, because it was left by someone who no longer matters. That was their mistake.

To every one of you who has held me, hugged me, prayed and loved me.... I love you so much. Thank you for every moment.

Friday, November 25, 2011

10 Things

10 things I love, hate, or have observed recently...

one:
Even though I am foregoing gifts this year, I am obsessed with Christmas. I decorated my entire home the day before thanksgiving and have been blasting Christmas music nonstop recently. And while I'm touching on Christmas music... two things... Celine Dion (I will only listen to her Christmas cd, none of her others) and Alvin and the chipmunks. Celine's Christmas CD is beautiful and moving. Alvin and the chipmunks reminds me of the childhood fun of Christmas and frankly makes me laugh hysterically. Christmas has changed so much for my family now with how much it has changed. My sister and I have had a hard time coping with this the last 2 years. But it is still my favorite time of year, and I cannot wait to celebrate it with my own family I will someday have.

two:
Appropriate wedding attire does NOT include: jeans, hawaiian shirts (unless you're at a destination wedding and that does not include Arizona), or a skin tight super short dress that should only be worn at a nightclub... in Vegas. I have observed all these at recent Arizona weddings.

three:
I am afraid of sponges.

four:
The whole "don't wear white after labor day" can't really apply in Arizona. Its eighty degrees all the way into November! Cream or off white is appropriate until Thanksgiving I say!

five:
I may be 6 feet tall but I will wear heels and you better get over it.

six:
My love of baked goods and pizza will always bulldoze my attempts at being gluten free. I can never do it 100%. I don't mind brown rice bread for sandwiches and grilled cheese, but gluten free cake and cookies just don't work for me! Yes I've had gluten free pizza dough, but if you haven't had the wood fired pizza at Liberty Market, you are missing out.

seven:
Miranda Lambert's music and lyrics are so empowering. Especially with dealing with a broken heart and spirit, she will pump you up to push through the hard days. Plus she can definitely belt out a tune with a twang that makes it so much fun to sing along too.

eight:
One of my biggest pet peeves... people who are too lazy to put away their grocery or shopping carts in the proper place. That would not be a curb, the parking spot next to you, or the sidewalk. CART RETURN my friends is where they go. Now, when dealing with Costco, I will put some blame on them. At least for the Costco by my house that is. They did a horrible job a designing that parking lot and did not put a cart return in every aisle, and there it is a pain. However at the grocery store or Target, on multiple occasions someone is parked one measly space away from the cart return, and they travel the exact same distance to put it up on the curb in front of their car. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! How lazy (or dumb) are you? I actually have a picture of this from a few weeks ago. I pulled into a spot next to the cart return and there it was... in front of my space NEXT TO the cart return was a shopping cart on the curb. in this instance the person had to go FARTHER to put the cart on the curb than they would have gone to put it in the correct place.

nine:
I am beginning to love living in Arizona, especially Gilbert. Yeah I know, east coast city girl, but I am finding so much that I love here. And funny that when I go up towards places like Scottsdale that most would I assume I would enjoy more, I find more reasons why I like to stay in the east valley. Let's also be honest... I'm not rushing back to 300% higher cost of living in DC. But can we please build a Metro here? Not the dinky and badly planned light rail.

ten:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

365 days.

This day holds so much importance to me. The last year has held my highest of highs and some serious lows. But on day 365, I am really, truely smiling. I smile not because of another person, because of myself and knowing who I am and what I believe. God has my life planned and I have found true peace in that.

my heart and eyes are open.

I am happy.


Monday, November 21, 2011

Mmm... Pancakes!

So I realize many of you reading this haven't known me since childhood; but if you're a Patch, Howells, or an Owens... you know of two very big family "food traditions" that came out of my childhood home" Dad's Pancakes and Mom's Christmas Fudge.

No let me get one thing out of the way, the fudge recipe is never going public :) hahah sorry but Dad, Cassie and I have a pact to guard that recipe.

Pancakes were a weekend breakfast that always made our whole family smile. Our family has been through many ups and downs but this has always brought us together. If you have kids, be prepared to be asked to make these all the time!

Daddy-O's Pancakes
(this recipe makes enough for 4 people)



1 1/2 cup of flour
1 tsp salt
3 T Honey
2 tsp baking powder
2 eggs
4 T (half stick) butter, melted
1 1/2 cup of milk

Melted butter and REAL maple syrup for topping
(if you use anything but real maple syrup not only will you butcher the cakes, I'll lose respect for you :) )

Do NOT use a standing mixer for this, only electric hand beaters.



Preheat griddle on medium
Mix flour, salt, and baking powder in large bowl
Grab a medium and small bowls. Put milk in the medium bowl.
Separate eggs- egg whites in small bowl and yolks in medium bowl with milk.
Mix together milk and egg yolks, then add melted butter.
Blend milk mixture into flour mixture.
Add honey and blend.
Beat egg whites until stiff, then fold lightly into batter (do not stir!)

Unfortunately, there are no pictures of the pancakes, we ate them all!

This inspired me to change my Christmas tradition

Watch this and take it in...

Advent Conspiracy 2011 at Mission Community Church from MISSION on Vimeo.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Are those cranberries?


Nope, not cranberries on top of my yogurt. Those are pomegranate arils. I've been looking for a new way to sweeten my Greek yogurt, and this is a yummy one. Little bursts of pomegranate juice... Delish! I add a little honey oat granola for some crunch too. Maybe time to make some of my own granola?

Keep a close watch... The pancake recipe will be posted today! And yes it's my dad's recipe from my childhood.


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

That... Was... Awesome.

My 5 am alarm this morning was a rooster. That's right... a rooster is a sound option on my alarm hahah. That just kicked the day off right.

I have become a major lover of early morning workouts. But for the past year, I have really struggled with maintaining my workouts. Considering this was my occupation and life for years, it took its toll on me and my body. I was an athlete in high school then moved into the fitness industry and also started running and racing. I spent almost four years working at Life Time Fitness. I'm not getting into the bad side of all of that, but I LOVE working out there. It is home for me. If you never have and are a gym rat, you need to go there. Their new slogan is "I can do it all at my Life Time." Well they are so spot on with that. I could never get bored there. Just this morning spent an hour doing a weights workout that I haven't done the likes of (mostly because 24 Hour Fitness is so limited) in almost a year. Now I wasn't back to my crazy 300 style or box jumps workouts just yet (but I definitely see myself getting there quick) but all my past motivation was there. I wasn't anxious; I was in "go" mode. It... was... awesome.

Finished up with a 20 min run (baller for me these days) and some more cardio on equipment you won't see anywhere else (yay cardio variety!). I actually got myself ready for work which hasn't happened in over a week, brought to my attention by coworkers thinking a did something different with my make up... "no I'm just actually wearing some and I blew out my hair like a normal person."

By 8am I was on cloud 9, had kicked my butt for almost 2 hours, and was ready to rock the rest of the day. I'm sorry is this the same person who was crying and confused the past few days? This is me. This is totally and completely who I am and I've actually been lost from this person the entire time I have lived in Arizona.

I felt so much joy the entire day. I wasn't lazy, I wasn't scared, and I kept myself busy. And I went back to the gym again tonight. Oh yoga is amazing to be the last thing you do in a day. To go home stretched out, centered, and relaxed before bed... GLORIOUS!

Helloooo gym rat and lover of the run!

I'm back :)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Painting... what???



So apparently letting my hearts emotions flow on the internet flipped out a few family members... sorry i had to. But today began a new outlook after starting a new period of separation from the ex. This repetition of back and forth, together and apart is taking its toll on me.

My dear friend Alan came to my rescue today. As we talked through all of it he said to me when will you decide that enough is enough and you can't take anymore of this. Well today is enough. Its my turn, for me. My abandonment isues have grown from the broken promises this past year, and... enough.

I am exhausted.


So I am stepping away from it all. Removing as much responsibility to others as I can and taking time for me to move forward and be ok with just being with myself. I was finally honest with myself and saw what everyone else saw... the issues that lie in the areas that I want to ignore are too great.

I can do all things through him who gives me strength. Phil 4:13

First order of business was I got my haircut and looked so pretty! (see silly picture above). Crystal at Toni and Guy has been doing a great job on my hair this year and I actually love chatting with her. Took my cute self to the coffee shop for some yums and then followed Alan's advice and stayed out of the house! Headed out to change my gym membership back to Life Time (needed lots of good classes and more gym floor variety, as well as a break from the ex) and got a sick deal on it (yay ex-employee perks!)

So the painting thing...


I started painting. RANDOM I know. But I've always had this weird artsy side to me that I hide a lot. I haven't worked with acrylics on canvas is probably ten years so I'm stating slow. But let me tell you... painting to Miles Davis station on Pandora with a glass of red wine and the windows open.... gloooorious. I am addicted.


My first painting? a lime. i have no clue why.

Friday, November 11, 2011

A challenge to change your Christmas tradition

I'm putting this out there to challenge all of you to do this as well...

I have been so blessed with so many things. So many people don't even have basic needs of food and shelter. I'm trying to get rid of my materialism a little bit and I felt compelled to start here. Every year my family hits up each other for Christmas list... here is my email response..

My loving family-

Every year I start building my Christmas list (usually on my phone for when a thought hits me) of things I feel I "need" and want. Even with so much free time the last few months that I have spent crying, thinking, and avoiding, I have come up with nothing. (Don't worry I'm getting to a point here...)

The last few weeks I have spent reflecting on what I actually have versus what I just lost. Its so easy for us to see what we don't have especially when we are forced to "tighten the belt" and change our lifestyles. The change in my thinking started a day when I was lonely feeling sorry for myself and Harley laid down in my lap. I was instantly grateful for her. Yes she is a dog but she's always here. I started rattling off my list of blessings...

-My loving supportive family (I would go into detail but I'll get sappy and embarrassing)
-Sweet Harley
-My apartment that I finally have decorated myself and I love
-The ability to pay for my apartment
-A job with a family feel to the staff, that teaches me so much, and gives me flexibility with my schedule
-The means to travel to visit family and friends so often this year
-The ability to pay my bills
-My car is running
-My good health
-The ability to buy healthy nutritious food, and my ability to cook great meals
-The means to dine out with friends or when I need a break


I have so much. I have been blessed with so much.

The truth is there is nothing that I "need" for Christmas. I don't need more material things. I have clothes, Harley is fed, etc.

So I want to do something different. Instead of gifts I would like you all to give a donation to one of these three charities and organizations below. I hand picked these because they give what is needed to those who are not blessed as we are. Those who do not have food or a home. They don't have the basic needs. They don't need Tory Burch flats, they need food on a daily basis.

SOME- So Others Might Eat
www.some.org/give_how.html
This organization feeds and clothes DC's homeless and poor. They also treat ill homeless persons, train them for jobs. They recently opened and are continuing to expand Bedford Falls, a housing development for the homeless.

DC Central Kitchens
dccentralkitchen.org
This group recycles leftover food from stores and restaurants to convert into meals to feed at risk individuals. They also provide culinary training for homeless adults to place them into food industry jobs. They also provide counseling services for the homeless.

Share Our Strength
strength.org
A national organization whose mission is to feed "food insecure" kids in America. They also educate families on cooking healthy inexpensive meals.

Thank you for your support

Lauren


Feel free to donate to these organizations as well. The first two I actually used to volunteer with in middle and high school.

What do you "need" for Christmas????

90 days strong...


well sometimes...

Its been 3 months since I broke my engagement and I have poured emotions from my eyes since then. But I've come out a lot stronger from it. Just because I have bad days, sad days, and cry does not mean I am weak. I am getting stronger.

I never doubt myself or my worth. I know who I am. I just miss my best friend with every ounce of me. Mourning the loss of love does not make me weak. Ok it's not really a loss of love, it was a decision that it wasn't the right time because of the other person not knowing who they were.

I do not know what my future holds. I am trying very hard to put my trust in the Lord. He has a plan, he knows what is best. And I will wait.

This is my life...

Those of you who know me know of a few of my blog... Trainer Lolo for one as well as a personal blog which helped me work through my emotions after ending my engagement.

This will be different. It will be my thoughts, my beliefs, my rants, my faith, my crafts, my cooking, and my humor.

So here it is... My life with no apologies.